It’s been a long week for me. I have had an emotional week due to financial reasons. I am tired and weary now. I don’t understand why people that try their hardest can’t make it. My husband works full time. He has gone and spoke with and put in applications everywhere he could think of. I am not a night time person (I am usually ready for bed when the kids go to bed). So he insisted on him getting the second job. I have talked to a few people about me working a few days a week with no success. I pray constantly for God to help us. He always comes through for us but I am just tired of being strong for my family every month when the bills pile up. Anyone else feel that way? I am the positive, strong person of the family. Right now, I feel like it’s all crashing in.
This is what Isaiah 40:29-31 says,
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles, they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
This is one of my favorite verses because it gives me hope that because I believe, God will give me that strength to get by. Also, it says to me that I am not the only one this happens to, I am not alone.
I’m going to leak a secret of our life. My husband believes in God, he loves church but he doesn’t always live it out. His pride of providing for his family gets in his way. He doesn’t think like me. I see the small blessings everyday. He does not. We have struggled for years financially. We can’t figure out what we are doing wrong. We don’t go buying things we don’t need. We don’t drink our money away, we don’t do drugs. Mainly, we spend time as a family (the 6 of us), do things with our church and church family, and his family all the time. I do not work because we would be giving my whole paycheck to daycare. It’s not worth it in our minds. It may get me out of the house but I wouldn’t bring anything in. I know these constant battles with not being able to pay the bills has not helped him to be a true Christian. This morning, he asked me to find out how much is in the bank… I answered “minus $23, I needed gas”. The look on his face broke my heart. It’s not the money that I want, it’s the hope I want for my husband. I try to be strong for him because I know how much he wants to provide for his family (he loves us all so much and he wants to provide us with ALL we need) but my strength in the whole thing is getting very minimal. I want him to realize he needs to lean on the Lord to help take care of his family not try to do it all on his own.
So please say an extra prayer for my husband and our situation. I’ve been doing this every day for the past, at least, 7 years. I am human and this life is wearing me out. We couldn’t even buy sneakers for our boys that desperately needed them, so a friend from church did it. Another friend from church has taken my teenagers to see a movie 3 times now because we can’t afford to take them. I am thankful for all our church family and family do but we should really be able to do these kind of things for them. The only way for me to get this off my chest was to write. I have been in tears all week and my head hurts! I thank you all for listening to me ramble. The funny thing is, the scripture wasn’t even part of my plan for this post but that’s how God does things! :)
I would appreciate any prayers we can get right now. Thank You.
Oh and yes, I AM very embarrassed right now for doing this but God tells us to be humble. There is nothing I can do but to give it to Him and wait while Jesus takes the wheel.